At the cost of my
by yuuki marie
Summary: Ichigo made a mistake that's cost him something precious, will the person he's hopelessly in love with accept him now maybe?  Crap summary, please read...


New attempt for a story, please R&R it would help me a lot : )

Warnings: YAOI! Eventual Grimmjow x Ichigo and slight Ichigo x Byakuya.

Grimmjow said something he shouldn't have, and did something he shouldn't have. He told his best friend, his roommate to fuck off and leave him alone, and pushed him away as he tried to walk into their apartment. Pushing him with more force than intended, his roommate flew over the balcony and plummeted two stories down landing on a bottle, glass shattering into his tan flesh.

Ichigo Kurosaki was now in hospital with a concussion, torn vocal cords and a grim looking Grimmjow at his bedside.

Ichigo and Grimmjow had met in middle school, Ichigo was in a fight because of his hair color again, and Grimmjow came to his aid, they were inseparable from that day. They moved in together for collage, Ichigo majoring in art and Grimmjow studying English and Physics, Ichigo makes money for their apartment by selling his pieces to a local gallery that's become quite fond of his work, while Grimmjow helped out at the local bar when necessary.

Earlier that day Ichigo had accidently told Grimmjow he was gay, and has been since high school. Grimmjow didn't take to it lightly. When Ichigo had got home that night, he'd said he doesn't want to be under the same roof as a fag and to fuck off, that's when he pushed him back out the front door.

A doctor came in pulling Grimmjow out of his reminisce, "is he going to be okay?" he asked afraid of the answer.

"Well he should wake up within the next hour or so, he's got a large gash on the back of his head, the stitches in his cheek can be taken out within a week, but the piece of glass that pierced his throat caused some major damage to his vocal cords…" The doctor trailed off leaving Grimmjow to guess what he's going to say.

Grimmjow's heart sank into his gut. For years Ichigo's voice had always been there for him, to tell him breakfast was ready, or to get his lazy ass out of bed, or to keep it down when he had a girl over, when Grimmjow had nightmares or couldn't sleep Ichigo was there whispering in his ear. Un-noticed tears started to fall down his cheeks, if there was a time to have an epiphany it would be when your best friend is lying in a hospital bed by your own hand, he'd never realized how much he'd taken Ichigo for granted. A soft hand on his cheek tore him from his thoughts; he looked down to meet those soft chocolate eyes he's come to love over the years and that beautiful smile that's rarely seen by even his closest friends, even after what he'd done to him, he can still smile at him like that?

Ichigo's pov.

To say my throat hurts, is a serious understatement.

Sure I've been in love with my best friend for 4 years ignoring the fact he's a well-known man whore and compete homophobe. Disowned by my family due to my sexuality, the old goat actually pulled out the mum card as well… I'm sure he'll be able to see out of his left eye again soon, leaving my family behind for him was hard. Very hard, sure I've had nightmares about him finding out. Sure I'm quiet literally emotionally destroyed on the inside, but I never thought he'd go this far. To hate me so much to physically and visibly reject me like that.

At the cost of my voice eh?

Is this the price I have to pay to be accepted by the person I love? Then so be it.

Slowly opening my eyes I see Grimmjow, I'm not going to lie, I'm dead surprised. Seeing as he pushed me… he's crying… I've known Grimmjow for a **long **time, and I've never seen him cry, dam its frightening. Raising my hand to his face slowly, I noticed he stopped, I can't help but smile.

Normal pov.

"Ah Kurosaki san you're awake, as you can probably feel, the fall did quite a number on your vocal cords, the glass pierced you through the back of our neck straight through your cords and out the other side, severing them almost completely. There is a 95% chance that you will not get your voice back at all or it could take several years at this point at the very best. You're lucky your friend was around when he was or you would have bled to death within minutes." Grimmjow paled at the words. "Fortunately there has been no damage to your spinal cord but your throat will have a scar, also I called your father…" the doctor trailed off as he saw the pained look in Ichigo's eyes before burying his hands in bright orange hair before than wincing at the pain his throat caused him. Grimmjow's eyes widened slightly, he hadn't heard anything about Ichigo's family for a while, the berry never told him why, so he thought nothing more of it, the doctor continued anyway moving on, "we'll keep you here over night and you can go home tomorrow, also take this…"

The doctor handed him a medium sized whiteboard with some colored pens, Ichigo smiled before writing, 'I feel like a child '.

The next day back at the apartment.

Fortunately for Ichigo, they had a week before school started up again, so he had a week to get used to using his little board for communication. He'd text his friends to let them know what had happened, (that he had gotten mugged by one man and stabbed in the throat by his accomplice) he wasn't going to get Grimmjow in trouble, simply because his friends would kill him.

Rukia Kuchki, 5'5 of pure evil. Soft violet eyes but a deadly temper, she's the best friend you'll ever have, the last person you'll see if you anger her or tell her that her drawings are crappy. Her boyfriend Renji Arabi, best friend who will always have your back, though deadly as hell.

Uryuu Ishida, friends with the enemy, Ichigo and Uryuu claim to hate each other to no end, yet they're able to tell each other anything and always have each other's backs. His boyfriend Ulquiorra Schiffer is a quiet one, also someone you would not mess with.

Ichigo loved his friends to pieces but doesn't want them to know what really happened, they all know of his secret crush and are sworn to keep it that way.

'Do you want me to make lunch?' Ichigo wrote tapping Grimmjow on the shoulder as they walked into their living room. "Erm sure", came an unsure reply. Although as Ichigo went for the kitchen, a furious pounding came from their front door, Grimmjow ran for he door and as he opened it, all of the blood left his face. Rukia, Renji, Uryuu and even Ulquiorra looked pissed standing at his front door. "What did you do to him!," Rukia shrieked lunging for the blue haired man, failing as Renji and Uryuu grabbed her. A very startled Ichigo appeared in the door way eyes widening as he saw an enraged Rukia, annoyed Renji, emotionless Ulquiorra and Uryuu in general. "Ichigo!" Rukia shouted as she glomped him, Renji and Uryuu looking down to see when she had escaped from their clutches.

An awkward silence filled the living room, while they waited for Ichigo to finish making lunch. After he'd sat down he wrote them a message, 'sup guys'.

He could've sworn he saw steam from Rukia's ears.

"Ichigo tell us how you lost your voice again?" Uryuu questioned. Grimmjow tensed harder than a cliff, he wondered if he could start typing out his will on his phone. Ichigo wiped his board clean and started scribbling, 'I told you already, I got mugged on my way home and stabbed in the throat'.

"May I see the scar, Ichigo", Ichigo widened his eyes, Ulquiorra was the most observant person he knew he was hesitant but when Ulquiorra spoke, it was when he wanted something, and you never refused him. 'Sure qui, but do you mind if it's in the bathroom, not that comfortable with it yet', Ulquiorra gave a slight nod and stood with Ichigo to leave the tense atmosphere.

Ichigo let Ulquiorra walk in first before locking the bathroom door, 'I kinda have to take my shirt off' Ichigo held the board up hiding behind it slightly to hide his blush, a slight heat raising to Ulquiorra's pale cheeks as he nodded, Ichigo laid his board on the toilet seat and pulled his shirt over his head with ease. Ulquiorra could see why Ichigo's shirt had to come off, directly where his collar line laid way a large, _jagged_, healing scar. 'Odd, if it were a knife it wouldn't be jagged like that' Ulquiorra mentally noted, he poked at it softly, noting it was too thick and too long to be a knife he nodded slowly, "Ichigo, a knife didn't do that did it?" Ulquiorra stated bluntly, Ichigo would have denied it but a tear rolled down his cheek, that's what gave him away, Ichigo cast his eyes downwards and shook his head, he picked up his board. Ulquiorra waited patiently and when Ichigo turned the board round, 'I accidently told Grimmjow I was gay, when I came home that night he said some things and he pushed me, I flew over the balcony and landed on a bottle, please qui, don't tell the others I don't want them to hurt him'.

On the outside, Ulquiorra nodded and gained a thankful smile from Ichigo, on the inside however, he was livid. Grimmjow was the one person Ichigo would give everything for, and he almost has, he left his family his school and now he's lost his voice, Ulquiorra was going to have to try very very hard not to strangle Grimmjow outside. Ichigo was the person Ulquiorra respected the most, he'd let him in to his circle of friends with open arms, ignoring the looks and what people said about it, and he gave him Uryuu, Ichigo was the first person to accept him, and now his precious friend, may never speak again.

Sitting back down in the living room Grimmjow never failed to feel Ulquiorra's eyes trying to kill him then and there, "Ichigo have you tried talking?" Renji piped up raising an eyebrow, Ichigo pondered it for a second and he tried, before he fell off of his chair clutching his throat with a trickle of blood running down his chin. Renji went into panic mode running into the kitchen for water, Rukia had 911 on the phone, Uryuu ran to Ichigo to prop him up against a chair, Grimmjow had his eyes glued to the scene and Ulquiorra's eyes screamed bloody murder while looking at Grimmjow. Renji tried to give Ichigo a drink but the strawberry was having none of it, until Renji drank some himself and practically forced it down his throat using his tongue as a bridge. Renji coughed and made a slightly disgusted face as did Ichigo who's look was of pure horror, "Take it yourself next time I'm never doing that again!" he yelled three quarters serious and a quarter jokingly. 'Rukia I'm okay now' he scribbled as Uryu turned her around to face him, hanging up she went to answer that knock on the door that no one else had heard. "ICHIGO MY SON!"

Ichigo wanted to die right there.

Isshin ran into the room before glomping his son in a bone crushing hug apologizing like his life depended on it, "Ichigo I'm sorry we disowned you, I'm sorry I'm a terrible father, I'm sorry I pulled out the Misaki card on you and she would probably kick my ass for doing so, I'm sorry I said horrible things about your sexuality when I'm now engaged to Kisuke" that threw Ichigo, he pried himself out of his dad's vice grip and reached for his board that had flown when Isshin attac-hugged him. 'Dad it's fine, I was never angry at you anyway, and I'm happy for you and Kisuke I just don't want to hear about your activities goat face' Ichigo smiled, Isshin tried to smile he really did "Ichigo, you've really lost your voice for good haven't you" he said sadly fists clenching in his lap eyes darting towards the floor, Ichigo wrote nothing as he stood and left for the kitchen to make some tea. Ulquiorra was drilling holes into Grimmjow's head as he watched the scene play out he sent Uryu a text to answer his boyfriends worried gazes due to his malicious aura, '_Ichigo told me what happened, he accidently told Grimmjow he was gay, Grimmjow accidently pushed him too hard out of the door when he got home that night, flew over the balcony glass shattering his cords, do not say anything, that is Ichigo's wish x'_ he looked cautiously over to his boyfriend across the room as he sent the message who then looked like he wanted blood. He shot Uryu a stern look saying 'Calm down' but his fists were biting into his palms painfully. Ichigo came back into the room with tea for everyone and his smile made Uryu's eyes soften.

'Dad I want you to un-hypnotize me'

Isshin spit out the mouthful of tea he had just taken, "Ichigo! Are you insane? Why on earth would you suggest that now?" Isshin started babbling as Ichigo started scribbling again 'Well I thought it might make my vocal cords stronger if I take a mental rest' Isshin paused but not for long, "Yes but Ichigo by doing that I am releasing a mental part of you," he trailed off reading what Ichigo had written 'He's not insane, because I'm not angry, please if it doesn't work just seal him back in' Isshin could tell his son was desperate. He nodded, "Renji take his right arm, Rukia his left, Ulquiorra his left leg and Uryu his right, don't let go and don't ask me questions yet" He bluntly stated. The people in question did as they were told although seriously confused. Isshin rested his son's head on his knees as he placed a hand over grateful amber eyes, "Release from your confinement" Isshin began his chant and Ichigo's body went rigid, "Release from your cages" Ichigo's body jerked violently "Release the untamed temper within this body" Ichigo's body tried to twist but his friends had a vice grip on him "Release the dark golden fury peacefully so no more harm will come to this body" Isshin removed his hand to reveal soft golden eyes his mouth moved and when nothing came out his eyes widened. 'KING WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!' he shouted mentally in his shrill voice, 'Yeah that's a long story I'll tell you if you promise me here and now you won't hurt the person responsible Shiro'.

'And if I do hurt him?'

'I'll never let you out again my horse'

The people surrounding Ichigo watched his facial expressions change from smug to calm to livid to less livid and annoyed as a frown settled on his face before his eyes reverted back to a soft chocolate brown sitting up carefully he picked up his board 'Well that didn't work but I'd like to keep Shiro out for a while, I'll stop by this weekend dad to see Yuzu and Karin but I'm kinda tired so not being rude, can you all leave.'

Reluctantly they all left with promises to see him before school started again, Ichigo closed the front door and locked it when he started to think… 'So this is where he was standing, when the person I love the most almost killed me' Ichigo smiled bitterly to himself heading up the stairs towards Grimmjow's room to see if he was asleep, seeing that he was Ichigo decided to take a shower. Once showered and dressed in baggy pajama bottoms he decided to check on Grimmjow one more time before going to his room, only to find his crush whimpering and writhing under his blankets sighing mentally he crouched down to his knees and started running a hand through Grimmjow's damp blue locks.

'_Why do you do this for him King' Shiro growled in the back of his mind, _'Because I love him Shiro, I love him so much and I always will' Ichigo smiled sadly to himself resting his head on his arm as he watched Grimmjow's sleeping face as his eyes claimed him to sleep.

Grimmjow's eyes opened slowly vision clearing from a peaceful nights sleep; he turned his head to see orange. He jumped slightly causing Ichigo to wake up and give Grimmjow a lopsided grin that said good morning. "Ichigo, can you get out please, don't feel comfortable gettin changed around ya anymore, actually just stop coming in here please" Grimmjow said coldly at Ichigo almost instantly regretting it at the orange heads face, he looked close to tears with a near livid expression forming. Ichigo got up and ran from the room slamming his bedroom door; Grimmjow heard some ruffling noises and the apartment door slam. Eyes widening in shock he ran to the kitchen looking for a note, he found one on the fridge:

_Staying at Rukia's for a few days, that's the last time I comfort you when your writhing in pain and whimpering in your sleep asshole, hell I'll even move out if you want me too, or you can push me over the balcony again and leave me to bleed to death this time._

_Ichigo._

When Byakuya Kuchki opened the door to his house, he was not expecting his sister's best loud-mouthed friend Ichigo Kurosaki. Ichigo rummaged in his bag for his board before presenting it Byakuya, 'Is Rukia here sorry about the board, I don't know if Rukia told you I had an accident' Byakuya read the message scanning his memory, ah yes Rukia had mentioned it. "No she's not here but your welcome inside, she and Renji should be back soon, may I ask why you'll be staying?" He questioned raising an eyebrow, Ichigo simply nodded before scrawling once again on his board, 'Me and Grimmjow had a fight, he doesn't want me around at the moment, I'll cook dinner tonight as a thanks okay because I really appreciate this Byakuya' Ichigo gave a sheepish smile as Byakuya stepped aside heading up to the spare bedroom he always used inside the large house. Byakuya stood by the door for a moment longer, he'd never say it out loud, he missed Ichigo's voice he also realized that he didn't realize how much he'd taken hearing it for granted, sighing he went back to his office to work.

"Did you all know he was gay?" Grimmjow stared in disbelief at his friends (well Ichigo's friends) Ulquiorra, Uryu Renji and Rukia sat in his front room, they'd come to see Ichigo but Grimmjow told them he was out and he had to talk to them anyway. "Yes" was Ulquiorra's blunt answer "He didn't tell you because being your _best friend_ he knew how much of a homophobic prick you are and you'd obviously toss him aside like trash" Ulquiorra's voice became vicious towards the end of that sentence as did Uryu's stare Grimmjow shifted uncomfortably in his chair, they know something. "Where were you when Ichigo was attacked Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra's monotonous voice broke through the tense silence, 'Ulquiorra you son of a bitch' Grimmjow growled in his head. "Grimmjow, why did I just get a message from my nii-san telling me Ichigo is staying for a few days" If Grimmjow thought he was screwed before, he's in for hell now. "Because I said I didn't feel comfortable with him around me so he left for a few days"

"So do you feel uncomfortable around me Grimmjow? Are you going to tell me to leave too? Stop being my friend?" Ulquiorra's voice was rising in anger, he was getting so out of character it was scaring them, "What are you going to do about me? I'm gay also your _friend_, are you going to _push_ me away as well?" Ulquiorra's voice was laced with venom and if looks could kill Grimmjow would be long gone. Uryuu was angry but nowhere near as angry as his lover, Ichigo had given Ulquiorra friends, a second family who practically adopted him and home, also gave him love when he had lost everything and beat the living hell out of anyone that said otherwise, other than himself, Ichigo would be the only other person he would die fighting for. Ulquiorra had seen things that the others hadn't, he'd seen Ichigo cry himself to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat of Grimmjow ever finding out, he was there when Ichigo told his family and when they disowned him, Ulquiorra owed Ichigo his life and Grimmjow was very quickly getting closer to dying by ivory hands. "I'm leaving, let me know _if_ Ichigo comes back here" Ulquiorra left without another word soon followed by Uryuu.

When Byakuya came out of his office at around half six that evening, he was greeted with a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen allowing his nose to guide him to the kitchen. On the table lay plates of steaming food, Ichigo was currently scowling at the cake he'd just finished placing icing on smiling as he finished decorating it placing it in the fridge for later, smiling as he turned to face Byakuya in the doorway when it slowly turned into a frown line, and a sticky red substance leaked from the corner of his lip, his brown eyes went cold as he dropped to his knee's blood spilling from his mouth as he did so, time seemed to freeze as Ichigo hit the ground and as Byakuya was driving like a mad man towards the hospital. Running through the doors with the teens lifeless body in is arms people frantically hurried to get him on a stretcher and into surgery, with his head in his hands waiting for a doctor or a nurse to come out to tell him what was going on he sent a text to Rukia saying he'd be home late.

"Renji take me to the hospital, Ichigo's in the hospital, Nii-san just took him there he's in surgery stop staring at me like that lets go!"


End file.
